went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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