his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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