I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
