So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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