Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
