What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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