It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
