You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
