we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
