my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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