morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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