I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
