I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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