Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
