It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
