She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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