he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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