dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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