are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
