i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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