I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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