the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
