Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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