i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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