My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Help. Why am I so naked?
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