it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
