my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
