Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
