Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
