I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
