I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
