btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
