I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I am one with the molecules
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
