i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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