Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The air was thick with penises
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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