just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
