the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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