3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
