ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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