stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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