We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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