I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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