i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i think my cat just said my name.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
