I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No I am not eating basil off your cock
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
