everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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