Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
