Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
