Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
