she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
