we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
