At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
