he puts the penis in happiness.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
