I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
