He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
