i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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