This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
